Day 30

The last day. I woke up pretty excited. I was thinking about how I had stayed committed to my idea, and after today I would have accomplished my goal...I had to be at Einstein's Bagels at 9:15 to barter two homemade greeting cards for two cans of coffee. The guy I was bartering with had requested I do something artsy on the front, and leave the inside blank. The night before, I looked all around my apartment for some inspiration. I was sitting on my couch pondering what to draw when I noticed Sam. She had made her way up on the couch, and had curled up next to me for a nap. I held my breath and began sketching her, hoping hard not to disturb her while I tried to get the football shape of her head just right... I was glad to have chosen her for the cards, because she makes me happy, and anything that makes you happy is probably a great thing to put on the front of a greeting card.

I had called Einstein's earlier to see if they had a coupon deal going on, but the only thing offered was a free bagel on Friday mornings. When I met the guy I was bartering with, I apologized for not being able to get us breakfast. He said that was fine and that he had also thought to throw in one of those apple pie snack things with the coffee, so at least I had something to eat. We talked for about 20 minutes about different things. We spoke about the project, and he told me about a friend of his who lived like a homeless person for a month. During that time he was moved by the kindness he encountered, not only from those with money, but from the other homeless people he was living amongst during that time. I also inquired about his cousin, whom he had asked me to pray for.

"He's doing better...the doctor's are calling it a miracle".

I pulled out my cards and handed them over. He liked them very much. It felt good to give the cards away for someone else to enjoy, and I wondered who would get them next.

We hugged and parted and wished one another well, and then it was time for work. A few days earlier another manager gave me a coupon for a free shake at Chic-fil-a. She told me how much she loved their sandwiches but didn't really need the free shake. As she was talking, I went to my purse and retrieved a coupon I had for a free chicken sandwich. It was from my stack of coupons that I had uncovered while cleaning my apartment, I think it had come in the mail. Anyway, I gave it to her in exchange for the shake coupon. She was hesitant to accept it but I assured her I was not starving, and even had some chicken at home. I explained I did not however, have a shake at home, so it was a great trade for both of us. After hearing my reasoning, she accepted the coupon.

Coincidentally, Chic-fil-a was launching their new spicy chicken sandwich that day. To promote it, they were giving away a free sandwich to everyone who went online and pre-registered. Luckily, I had gotten this tip from someone who had been following my project on-line, so I was able to sign up about a week ago. I ordered the sandwich and a strawberry shake. The cashier found my name on her clipboard, and marked me off the list. I went out into the heat to enjoy my last free meal of May. It was delicious. Even the pickle. Really.

After work I had plans to visit one of my best friends. We were going to discuss a project we're working on together, and then go out for a drink and a meal at midnight to celebrate the end of my moneyless month. I was a bit worried about gas, but someone once told me you have 30 miles after the light goes on before you're really out of gas...I hoped that person was right. At about 11:20, my friend and I headed to a local restaurant and I ordered a burger. We sat and talked about the past month, he asked if it had changed me or grown me in anyway...I plan on posting another entry reflecting on these things. When the clock struck midnight, I let out a deep breath. June was going to be decidedly different than May, and from April as well. The server came with the bill and I reached into my purse to grab my wallet. I faintly heard the hinges weep as I cracked it open like an old book with a stiff spine. I slid my debit card out and held it for a few seconds. Staring into it, I searched for my reflection. I wasn't there. I slowly handed the server my card, and just as he snatched it away, I felt a flutter in my chest, a nervous excitement that comes from the unfamiliar. Money had become foreign to me, but I was ready to be reacquainted. I watched as he went to the computer and swiped my card, like it was nothing! As if my card was used to being man handled...

*He has no idea what he just did* I thought... I reviewed the receipt and took pause before I signed it. It felt monumental, as if I was signing a declaration or something. I carefully picked up my card, placed it back in my wallet, and closed the book.

Day 29

Today was my last day off before the end of the month. I spent the morning at Ikea, because they are giving away free breakfast and coffee all weekend. I bypassed the display rooms and went straight to the cafeteria. It was only 9:30, but the line for the free breakfast was already well formed, curving around the metal gates like a pet snake, waiting to be fed. I added myself to the end. The free breakfast included potatoes, scrambled eggs, 2 strips of bacon, and 1 cup of coffee. I found an empty table and began to read some of the book I had brought with me. I looked around and found some comfort in the busy setting. Even though I was sitting alone, I was surrounded by people, and didn't feel like I was alone at all.

After I had finished eating, I decided to take "the long way home", and walk through the maze of mass produced merchandise that is Ikea. I've always loved the way the store is set up, allowing the consumer to browse the products by walking into completed rooms with cut away walls. It is like a life size doll house, each room reflecting a unique style, every customer connecting to the warm, welcoming feeling that comes from playing house for a while. I decided to give my sister a call, since it was the weekend I thought it would be a good time to catch her in between the demands of her busy life as a single working mom. I told her about the free breakfast, and that maybe the Ikea in her state was also participating.

"I love Ikea!" she exclaimed.
"I know, they have a lot of stuff here..." I responded,a little distracted by the sheer volume of merchandise for sale.
"No, its not the stuff, I just love going, its the experience." She clarified.

Walking through, I concluded that Ikea does have a lot of stuff for sale, but what they are truly selling is...a feeling. Companies do this all the time though, so this is really not a breakthrough truth I just uncovered or anything. Obvious examples that come to mind include: Pillsbury, Folgers, Bluebell, Kay Jewelers, Calvin Klein, anything Oprah touches...the list goes on and on and on. Companies have found great success in connecting with consumers on a personal level. Because of this, simple, straightforward advertisements are now the road less traveled.

*Side note*: one of my favorite lines in a film can be found in the movie The Muppets Take Manhattan when Kermit gets amnesia and gets a job at a marketing company. They are trying to come up with a slogan to sell Ocean Breeze soap, but all they have are "Ocean Breeze soap, for people who don't want to stink" and "Ocean Breeze soap, its just like taking a cruise except there's no boat and you don't actually go anywhere". Kermit suggests the line "Ocean Breeze soap will get you clean". The other frog on the marketing team responds with "you mean just say what the product does? Why no one's ever tried that!"

O.K. so now, instead of saying what the product actually does, a lot of companies find success in conveying how the product makes you feel. Consumers are essentially attempting to build a lifestyle for themselves by means of the products they purchase. In June and onward, I will keep this truth in mind when faced with the hundreds of advertisements vying for my attention on the daily.

Day 28

At the start of May, I received an e-mail from a guy who had heard about my project and wanted to wish me luck for my moneyless month. He sent me another e-mail last week with an idea in it. He explained that a friend of his owns an organic coffee company and is also a photographer. He was the photographer on the set of a movie and decided to combine his two professions by producing a limited run of coffee that also promoted the movie. The guy explained that he bought a lot of the coffee to support his friend and now has a lot left over. He offered it to me to use for myself or to barter with.

I thought this was very kind of him, but I didn't want to take the coffee without trading it for something of my own. I asked him what he needed that I might have, and he responded with a request for prayer. He wrote:

"I'll request something a little different from probably anything you've heard of before, but is there any way you could send positive thoughts / pray for - if you're religious, for my cousin. I myself am not really religious, but he's 23 yr old and is in critical condition. Nothing else really matters to me at this point and time, and that would be a wonderful "trade" in my opinion".

My initial reaction was "absolutely", but after thinking about it a bit more, I felt uncomfortable taking something in exchange for prayer. I wrote him back:

"So I have been thinking, and praying, and I asked another co worker to pray for your cousin as well. I don't think I can take the coffee anymore, in exchange for prayer. How is your cousin doing?"

He wrote that his cousin was making improvements, and thanked me for the prayers, and he said that he understood if I didn't want to take the coffee in exchange for prayer. He asked if I could create two greeting cards instead, blank on the inside, but with something artsy on the front, in exchange for the coffee. I accepted his offer, excited to still be able to make the trade.

Day 27

When I got to work, I walked in just as my district manager was leaving. We chatted in the doorway for a minute and I wished her a good trip back. As we parted she mentioned that she had left something for me in the office. I headed to the back where I found a bagel wrapped in a paper towel in the fridge, and coupon for a free sandwich taped to the inside of my locker. There have been many small gestures like this, ways that others are showing their support, that has made me feel confident in my abilities to get through the month. I have experienced a great feeling of community this month, one that I hope does not go away come June.

While at work, I talked extensively with another manager about the project. It was coming to an end, and she asked me what the first thing I was going to buy would be. I thought about it and responded "nothing stupid like a pack of gum or something..." and kept thinking. Well I knew what I wasn't going to buy, gum. Then I remembered I don't really chew gum in the first place, so that was obviously out.

I wondered whether it should really matter or not, and concluded that my choice does matter. I have always believed in the saying "your dollar is your vote", and it seems now more than ever, I am wanting to make my vote reflect my beliefs. Maybe it is because since I have not been relying directly on the monetary system, I feel like less of a slave to the whole thing. I feel more free, and thus choosing what to commit to is just that, a choice. I am going to choose wisely...because I know I can.

Day 26

A couple of days ago, I finished the article I was working on for the writer, and e-mailed it to her to look over. I told the woman that I could shorten it or expand it to whatever she needed.I wanted her to be happy with what she got in our trade, so I asked her read it and report back if she wanted it changed in any way. She sent me an e-mail requesting I add a paragraph or two explaining what I had learned from the situation I had chose to write about. I spent the morning working on the article, and then sent it back for approval.

Sam was running low on dog food again, so I decided to post a wanted ad on craigslist. I posted a few small things to trade...a basketball, some books, and an old straightening iron. I decided instead of listing all of my books, I would just take a close-up picture of my bookcase to save time. I got a response almost immediately, from someone interested in my books and straightener. They seemed to think I was giving all my books away, so I clarified that I was willing to part with 2 or 3 along with my straightener for a small bag of dog food. I sent another picture of the straightener and informed the person that some of the paint was chipping off of the metal plates, but other than that it still worked great. I got the feeling this was a deal breaker for that person. The next message I received from them was a short and sweet "never mind". The good news is, I still had a few days left of dog food for Sam, so decided to start mixing it with some left over pieces of meat I had to stretch it a bit further. Sam thought this was the best idea I had had all month.

That night, I had plans to meet a woman at a gas station to trade my magazine holder for $15 of gas. It was getting late in the day, so I called her around 4:45 to see where exactly we could meet. I was looking forward to it as she had also promised to share some money saving tips with me upon trading, so when she didn't answer I got a little worried. My gas tank was a little below 1/4 tank and a good friend of mine had invited me out to a local comedy club that night(free on Thursdays). If the woman didn't come through, I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to meet up with him that night. A few minutes later I checked my phone and saw I had a missed call from the woman. In the voice mail she said
"fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, someone threw a magazine rack in my yard yesterday....so I no longer need to barter for yours".

That was pretty lucky for her, especially since she described herself as being extremely thrifty, but not so good for me. I had one too many magazine holders, and not enough gas to go out...so I texted my friend to explain the situation. A day earlier, I had walked on his back to relieve some tension. He suggested that if I had enough gas to get into the city, he would trade one more "back alignment" for a few bucks in gas to get me back home. I thought this was a pretty good trade, and a clever way to help me stay within my guidelines for the project, and so I accepted his offer. I was more than grateful for the opportunity to get out of my apartment and be social for a bit.

Day 25

Day 25. Since I began washing my clothes by hand, I've been trying to do as little laundry as possible. I've been wearing more dresses, because my entire outfit is one piece, and it cuts down on the number of items that I have to wash. I've also been choosing flip-flops over tennis shoes more often, to save on having to wash so many socks. The fact that the weather is getting warmer has been a big help in making these small changes.

I needed to put some laundry away from about two weeks ago. Moneyless month or not, I still hate putting away laundry and will avoid the chore at all costs, until I can't take stepping over the clean pile any more. When I finally got around to it, I began to feel overwhelmed by all of the clothes I own. I looked around and though "I don't even wear 90% of this stuff". Except for one or two things that I really like, my wardrobe has by and large become...burdensome.

I thought that not spending any money would have allowed me to forget about clothes for a while, but instead, it has made me more aware of the clothes I already own. It is shocking to me how many articles of clothing I own but do not wear, so putting away clothes turned into cleaning out my closet... Instead of spending my time bringing more things into my apartment, this project has given me the opportunity to step back and take an inventory of my things. Each item I own requires more thought than just the initial decision of whether to buy it or not. I've come to understand that after buying a new pair of jeans, a coat, shirt, etc., there is still so much consideration that must be given to that item over time. In a sense, I own my clothes, but it is also an ongoing trade. They own some of me as well, in the form of my time, energy, and of course, money. I've learned that once I buy a piece of clothing, it is just the beginning of our relationship together. There is so much more attention that thing requires long after I first bring it into my home. In short, the more I own, the more I feel owned.

I found myself going through piece by piece and thinking "is this item really worth my time right now?"...In the future, that is one of the questions I'll ask myself in order to decide whether or not to buy something in the first place.

Day 24

I was running low on gas again. I have been trying to keep my tank at least 1/2 full at all times, just in case. I wanted to post something else on craigslist to barter with, so I looked around my apartment for something I was willing to part with. About a year ago, I went on an organizational kick. I had bought a desk, filing system, wall calendar, a cork board, and various other organizational tools...$400 later, I had essentially created a cubical in the corner of my bedroom. I had never gotten around to buying a chair for the desk, so it naturally became a great place to put more stuff on. After about 6 months of sleeping in the office of what looked to be a highly ineffective individual, I came to terms with my disdain for the expensive desk area. I took everything down and put it in my closet. My bedroom is now a place I like to be, and not a source of stress. I decided to post a "hang on the wall" magazine holder I had purchased from the Container Store during the phase. It was green canvas and barely used (obviously) so I asked for $20 in gas for it.

Later that day a woman contacted me about the item. She asked where I was located and as it happened, she lived on the other side of town. I told her I sometimes go that way to visit my parents but I wasn't planning a trip there this week. She mentioned she volunteers in my area Thursday nights and suggested I meet her on her way to volunteer. I thought that would be fine, I just had to make sure I was free around 7p.m. on Thursday. She told me she was very thrifty also, and had some great tips she could let me in on to save money. Before we hung up, she asked if I would take $15 in gas instead of $20 for the magazine holder. I thought any tips she had for me would even it out, so we settled on $15 worth of gas.

I'm finding that bartering comes in many forms, and what is traded doesn't necessarily have to be a tangible thing. In the case of my friend a couple of nights ago, the pizza was a trade for good conversation and someone to listen to, with the woman who wanted an article, I was able to trade my thoughts, ideas, and a good story for some much needed food, and with this woman's promise of money saving tips and gas, I feel I am making a more than fair trade for my magazine holder. Side note, there should be a shorter word in the english language for "magazine holder", or if there is one in another language, I'd like to adopt that word for our own use.

Day 23

About a week ago a woman e-mailed me regarding a post I had put on freecycle.org. The e-mail was short and just said she was interested in having me write in exchange for food. When I called her to get more information, she explained she was a writer and would like me to do a guest article for her blog. Her blog focuses mainly on parenting and a lot of moms read it, so her request was that I write about how I, growing up, have learned from watching parents. Specifically how their relationship with things has influenced my own. I thought this would be a great way to get some food, and an interesting topic...so I agreed.

We were trying to find a good time to meet up over the week but it seemed our schedules were completely opposite. She had asked if I had a fridge at work so she could possibly drop the food off during one of my shifts. I thought this would be a good option, so we decided she could stop by in the morning, after her kid's swimming lessons. I had planned to meet with her around 10, right when the store opened, but when I got to work my boss told me I was going recruiting with another manager all morning. I had hoped to be able to meet her, but it looked like we were going to just miss each other. As I walked me out of the store I informed my boss that a woman should be coming by to drop off some food, and to please put it in the fridge when she comes.

The other manager and I returned around noon and I was immediately greeted by one of the part-timers.
"You have a delivery in the office!"
Not only were there two bags of goodies from the woman, but on top of that, there was an entire fresh pizza from the Italian restaurant downstairs. She hadn't said anything about bringing a pizza, so I wasn't sure if it was from her or not. I shared it with everyone and wondered all day where it had come from. The origin of the pizza was a complete mystery until later that night when I got a text message explaining it.

A couple of nights earlier I had gotten a call at 3a.m. from a friend of mine who needed to talk. Instead of ignoring the call, I had answered despite it being in the middle of the night, which was a good decision because my friend had really needed someone to talk to. He explained in the text that the pizza was his way of thanking me for picking up the phone that night.

Day 22

Day 22, also known as Scarborough Fair Day, proved to be a lot of fun. Unlike other fairs I've been to, there are so many ways to be entertained that don't require spending money. My friends and I met at a diner first thing in the morning for breakfast. They had seen it on the Food Network, showcasing their famous cinnamon roll, and we all agreed it was a good way to start out the day. We split the cinnamon roll into thirds and pretended to be food critics for a minute or so. I was also able to get some early morning bartering accomplished, trading with my friend some headphones and a loan of some free weights she needed for a bag of a few rolls of toilet paper and some food stuffs.

They were kind enough to cover my meal so I offered to drive the rest of the way to the fair. We listened to bagpipe music on the way there, and they didn't seem to mind that I would periodically slip into singing the "are you going to Scarborough Fair" song. Later that day, I altered the lyrics to "yes were going, were already there...". My friends put up with a lot. Even though we've been going for 7 years now, it seemed a lot closer this year for some reason, and I was happy when I realized I wouldn't need to ask for any gas.

When we got there, I began trying to barter the extra tickets for the promise of some food or drink upon entry. I had approached a few people, but they were very skeptical of me and were not interested at all. I thought at a renaissance festival everyone would be open to the idea of bartering, but this was not the case. Starting a conversation with "I promise I'm not crazy, but I want to give you these tickets in exchange for some food..." was not the way to go. In fact, it turns out that starting any conversation with "I promise I'm not crazy" usually makes the person think you're crazy.

I was in the middle of explaining my project to two bewildered fair goers when my friends showed up to save me. They were with a gentleman who was dressed up like a member of the royal court. He introduced himself as Sir Henry and said something along the lines of "I understand you are trading your extra tickets for food, I want you to have a good time while at the fair...so please take this..." he pulled out a $10 bill and handed it to me. I looked at my friends, Sir Henry, and the two fair goers. I handed the bill back to Sir Henry and politely explained that I appreciated the gesture, but I couldn't spend my money or his money.
He looked confused at first, but after I told him about my project he caught on to the whole thing really quickly. He offered up this solution: I should give my two spare tickets to the fair goers, and because they will then have a good time at the fair and spend money, ultimately supporting Sir Henry himself, he would in turn buy me some food or drink in appreciation once inside the gates. I felt a little embarrassed having five people working to make sure I was able to trade the tickets (also, I was in a forest fairy costume), but I agreed that this was a good plan and so I handed the tickets over...and we all followed Sir Henry into the fair.

Day 21

Day 21. I had decided to get my hair colored back from the photo shoot I did at the beginning of the week. The highlights were great, but my job requires a very natural appearance so I thought it would be a good "career move" to take the color out. I had called and asked the hair colorist when would be best, and she offered to fit me in at 1p.m. It was really nice of her to get me in at such short notice so I spent part of the morning thinking of a way to thank her.

I checked on my phone for coupons and saw that Walmart was giving away free Sundaes that day. Reading the coupon, I found some humor in a company giving away free sundaes on a Saturday. In my head I saw a sign reading "This Saturday, Free sundaes, and come in Sunday for a free case of the Mondays".

I was just walking out the door when I realized I hadn't packed a lunch. I checked the fridge and made some quick executive decisions. Pasta, check, 1/2 a can of tuna, check, some shredded cheese, check. Some people might think that cheese and fish don't go well together, and they'd be right. In this case however,I had created some sort of a casserole dish that turned out to be quite satisfying, possibly because I was really hungry come lunch time.

When I walked into Walmart, I went straight towards the self check out employee.

"I heard it was free sundae day, do you know anything about that?"
The lady pointed and said "go towards the smiley face, and head straight back".

I thanked her and headed towards the big smiley face above me, and it was a little contagious. I began feeling pretty smiley too at the thought of a free sundae. I was definitely getting one for my hair colorist, but also hoping to be able to get one for myself too. I asked the lady behind the booth if I would be able to get two, and she said that was fine. She was a little concerned about the ice cream melting by the time I got to the salon, but I told her it was at the mall across the street... not too far.

It turns out that giving away the free sundaes was a promotion for Breyer's ice cream. She put a scoop in each paper bowl, along with syrup, strawberries, and whipped cream. I thought bananas were what made a sundae a sundae, but then I realized I was thinking of a banana split. I didn't have too much time to ponder this, so I took the sundaes in each hand, thanked the woman, and began a challenging journey I call "getting yourself and two bowls of ice cream to the mall before you all melt".

I cranked the A.C., aimed it at the passenger's seat, and drove to the mall. I was keeping two conflicting things in mind, trying to be quick due to the melting, but slow enough that they didn't fly forward onto the floorboard, because then, all would be lost. Luckily, the mall really is right across the highway from Walmart, so with a little stealth and luck, we all made it to the salon in one piece. My hair colorist was happy to get the unexpected gift, even if it was a little melty.

Day 20

Have I really been doing this for 20 days? It doesn't seem that long. Not too much happened yesterday in the way of moneylessness. I can, however, count three notable(all are notable) acts of kindness that I experienced.

At work, the sister of one of the employees came in with her friend, holding two bags, each containing a juicy hamburger and side of hand cut french fries. They asked me to take them back to the office, stating one bag was for a her sister, and the other for another manager. I took the bags back, eyes closed as I walked Mr. Magoo style through our stockroom, breathing in the savory smells of Mooyah Burger. When I went on break about an hour later, the part-timer and the other manager were in the back eating. I could hear them giggling and as I turned the corner they told me to check my locker for gifts.

"What, why?" I asked for more of an explanation but got nothing, so I went to open my locker and found that the part-timer had saved me 1/2 of her burger, and the other manager had left a rice crispy treat, granola bar, and small bagel with strawberry cream cheese in my locker, all with a thoughtful post-it attached.
The manager said "My mom, I mean I, packed too many sweet things today, I'm trying not to eat sweets, so you can have them". We all laughed over the fact that her mom packed her lunch that day...the part-timer stated she couldn't finish the burger and "What did I want her to do, just throw it away?!"

"No" I said, I didn't want her to just throw it away, that burger was so delicious I didn't even mind the pickle, my arch nemesis for many years now.

The last act of kindness occurred when my friend invited me out to the movies, to get me "out of the house, and off the computer". It was a nice break from work and bartering deals.

Day 19

Yesterday was my day off from work and I had a few things on my to-do list...Some things for work, some things for the project, and some fun day-off stuff too. After a nice leisurely walk with Sam, I came in to make breakfast. I had some pancake mix, and a little egg-beater's left...but no milk. I was skeptical about how important the milk really was in the recipe, so I decided to try it with water instead. I used the last of my butter (about a tablespoon), about 1 eggs worth of the egg-beater's, and a little water. I decided to throw some cinnamon and sugar into the batter. The result was better than expected. My apartment was filled with the sweet smell of cinnamon and sugar, and the lack of milk made for fluffier than normal pancakes. I took the pancakes along with a cup of hot coffee and ate out on the balcony.

The day before, I had responded to a woman on-line who was in need of moving boxes. At work, we usually recycle the boxes we receive in shipment. We let them build up first, over a week or two, and then take them out all at once. I asked my boss if it would be OK if I took them this time. She said it would be fine for me to take some. Since the boxes were free to me, I didn't ask for much from the woman, just some milk and bread. She accepted but told me she didn't live close to the mall at all. I had to pick up the Scarborough Fair tickets from the radio station that day, and that turned out to be much closer to her area of town, so with the help of our lead stock guy, I loaded the broken down boxes into the back of my car. The woman and I had decided to meet in the parking lot of the CBS building at 4:30 to make the trade. Because of the mirror barter the day before, my gas tank was back up to 3/4 full. More than enough to get me into the city and back.

I pulled into the parking lot and parked next to car with someone sitting in it. It looked like they were typing on their phone. I sent a text to the woman saying I was here. I looked up from my phone and peaked over to see the person in the car next to me also look up and peak over at me. We both got out of the car and laughed at ourselves. I helped her load the boxes into her car, and she handed me a gallon of milk and a loaf of wheat bread. She asked me about my project and we chatted for a few minutes. She told me she needed the boxes because her husband had gotten a job in Virginia as a genetic engineer. "wow" I said, impressed by anyone with the ability to engineer things. I didn't know what else to say so I wished them good luck with everything and went into the building to retrieve my tickets.

The radio station offices are housed on the 10th floor, and when I got there I was greeted by a very friendly and energetic woman who handed me my tickets. She also threw in and more tickets for a concert going on later that night. The artist who was singing at the concert was in the lobby and introduced himself. He was a Hispanic singer and I admitted I wasn't familiar with his music, but I would try to make it to the concert anyway. He had come all the way from New York so I welcomed him to the city and thanked the woman again for the tickets before leaving. When I got in my car I counted the Scarborough Fair tickets. I was hoping for 4, not the "pair" the guy on the phone had stated. There were 4!

Plans for the tickets: One for my friend (as a birthday present) one for his girlfriend (in exchange for breakfast before the fair, and my share of gas money), and two to barter with outside the fair (in exchange for the infamous scotch egg and maybe even a beer or two).

Day 18

A few days ago, I noticed someone had put a mirror out for trash pick-up at my apartments. I approached it wearily....visually inspecting it's glass surface. No cracks. I gazed around the perimeter, scanning the cheap plastic frame for any variances. No nicks. I stood to the side and moved the mirror, leaning it away from the wall to balance on my hand as I checked the back for anything unfavorable. I was expecting at least a spider or two. No webs.

I promptly scooped my new found bartering tool under my arm and headed home to post it on-line. I was at work on my lunch break on the 18th day of my project, when I got an e-mail from a man regarding the mirror. He said he would give me $10 in gas or food for it. Wow. This completely free item I had salvaged was about to allow me to earn a 1/4 tank of gas. I thought $10 was too much though, considering its origins (near the dumpster), so I offered to take it for $8 worth of gas. After work I went home to clean the mirror and loaded it up in the back of my car.

I parked next to a car that fit the description he had given me. A man came out of the gas station and waved. He was tall and in his 40's, wearing glasses and business casual clothing. He shook my hand and then gave me $8 dollars paper clipped together with what looked like a printout of the e-mail he had sent. I said "thank you, but I can't actually use this". I suggested I would start pumping the gas while he went in and paid for it. He offered to buy me a hot dog so we went inside and I grabbed a warm bun from the bottom tray and began building my dinner. I added chili and cheese for extra protein and dairy. He grabbed himself one too, and we ate at the counter, chatting a bit about the project. His wife had mentioned wanting the windows washed at their home, and he was going to check with her if she would like me to do it in exchange for more gas or food. He grabbed a cookie for dessert, offered 1/2 to me, and paid at the front. The total was a little over $11. We then went outside to pump the gas. We chatted a little more over the cookie and I thanked him for the barter.

As far as meeting anyone at their home, I am weary. Even if they seem nice, as this man did, It is a risky thing to do. For now I will stick to bartering during the day...and in public places. I learned that the saying "one man's trash is another man's treasure" can be true. I don't know if the mirror could classify as a legitimate treasure, but you could say "one man's old mirror is another man's new mirror" or in this case, "one man's trash is another girl's transportation". While we're on the topic of switching up long standing sayings, I would even go as far to claim that "one man's kindness is another girl's chili cheese dog".

Day 17

Yesterday was Day 17. I began my day by searching for a coupon I had wanted to use that day. I had been looking forward to it for about a week. The Haagen Daz downstairs was giving away a free scoop of ice-cream from 4pm-8pm. I was going to have to leave for work pretty soon, and I really wanted to find the coupon. As I tore apart my apartment for the simple pleasure of a scoop of ice-cream, I randomly found some other coupons I had collected. Some were in the mail, and other's I didn't even know I had. I finally found the Haagen Daz coupon under some thank-you notes, and proceeded to do a tiny free ice-cream victory dance. I took an inventory of everything I had found:
* I free crispy beef taco from Taco Bueno -My friend and neighbor put this one in my door
*$5 Walmart gift card- received in mail, but I just realized it says activate by May 10th.
*1 Free Chick-Fil-A chicken sandwich. Good until May 31st.
*Free Chips and Salsa from Chilies (with purchase of entree, meaning I'll have to go with someone).

I also entered to receive a sample of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, a free entree at Abuelo's, and a sample of Shampoo from Walmart.com (can't remember the brand). The only problem with the offers I have applied for, is that the wait time for the coupon delivery is 4-6 weeks. That's a long time to wait for some macaroni. After my shift, my boss decided to come down with me to get some ice-cream. As it happened, the coupon I had was actually just a flyer and not necessary to redeem the free scoop.

Deciding on which flavor to choose was...hard. It seemed like a decision right up there with choosing a neighborhood to raise a family in, or picking your team-mates in a recess game of kick ball. In short, I didn't want to mess this one up. So I asked for samples. I sampled and sampled to help make my decision until I could sense I was testing the employee's patience, so I settled on Midnight Cookies and Cream, which proved to be a completely satisfying choice.

The rest of the evening was spent posting things to barter with. Unfortunately I got an e-mail back from someone saying trading is not allowed on Freecycle.org. I'm focusing my attention more on Craigslist and Barterquest now. Finger's crossed.

Day 16

Yesterday was day 16. The night before my friend had told me he was going out of town the next morning. He lives alone, so I asked him who was driving him to the airport. A girl he was seeing had originally offered, but that wasn't going so great so he had planned to take a cab instead.

I love the airport, and maybe it's because I haven't seen a movie or gone out to dinner in a while, but the idea of an early morning drive actually sounded fun to me. It was 9pm when all of these plans were forming, and we decided I'd come over that night, sleep on the couch for a few hours, and we would leave at 4am. During this conversation, I was in the middle of doing some laundry by hand. Under normal circumstances, I would have taken my bag of quarters down to the laundry mat at my apartment complex. In the summer, I like to take my washed clothes back up to my apartment and hang them outside to dry. It strikes me as completely inefficient to use a machine to dry my clothes when the sun is offering its services free of charge.

I had cleaned my bathtub, filled it with hot water, and added my clothes and detergent. I unscrewed the broom from the handle and used the pole to stir everything around. I felt like a witch, only instead of eye of newt, I was stirring in sock of Gap, among other things. I turned the water on again to rinse everything. I stood in the bathtub and grabbed each item, rang it out, and put it on a hanger to dry. The jeans were heavy and cumbersome, and I hoped they would dry in time for work the next day. After I had hung some wet clothes on every available space in my bathroom, I left for the night to go catch up with my friend. I was a little worried about gas but he said he didn't mind putting some gas in my car to cover the ride to and from the airport. Unfortunately, I was so groggy the next morning that I forgot to stop at the gas station, and before I knew it we were already at the airport. He offered up some cash.
I gave him a blank stare, with the steady eyes of a person getting pretty used to explaining themselves. There was a pause, I collected all of the early morning energy I had in me, took a deep breath...and on the exhale...
"I can't spend money"
He offered to fill the tank up when he got back in a week. I thought that sounded good since I didn't currently need gas right now anyway. He had also been thoughtful enough to give me a $5 gift card he'd received in the mail from Walmart, and of all things, an onion that he didn't want to leave in his apartment for a week. Later that day, I bartered the gift card for some much needed toiletries at work. I don't know what exactly I'm going to do with the onion yet, but it is definitely going to get eaten.

I spent the rest of the morning back at my apartment, trying desperately to dry my pants for work. I used a fan and a blow dryer, but they were still damp by the time I had to leave to walk to work. I changed into them when I got to work, and they dried eventually, but were so loose I was pulling them up all day. Needless to say I was singing "walkin' round town with my pants on the ground..." from American Idol all day.

Day 15

Yesterday was a big day. A couple of weeks ago, my friend from Starbucks told me about a photo shoot he was doing with one of the hair-colorists from Toni and Guy. She was entering the 14th annual Photographic Awards competition, and needed to submit some photos showcasing her abilities. In addition to a great photographer, she also needed some hair models. My friend asked if I'd be interested. I told him that it sounded like a really cool experience but my job had strict rules regarding appearance, so pink streaks wouldn't go over too well. They agreed that I could get natural, subtle highlights for the shoot, with the option of getting the highlights colored back if necessary. I believe my response was "Heck yeah I'll do it!"

The photo shoot was about 20 minutes away, but I was still okay on gas levels because of the barter a couple of days before. I had also talked with a couple who was interested in trading some groceries for my small T.V. I agreed and we had planned to meet up at Walmart later that day. I figured I would have about 3/4 of a tank left after the shoot. I was going back and forth on whether I really wanted to trade my t.v. so soon. These were my concerns:
*I wasn't in dire need of either food or gas at the moment
*I would prefer to bring coupons grocery shopping, and hadn't taken the time yet to find any
*The t.v. is my "big ticket" item, after I barter it, I only have smaller, less valuable things to trade
*I want to be picky about when and how I allocate my resource because once it's gone, it's gone

All of these thoughts were going through my head after the photo shoot. I didn't want to go back on our agreement and it turned out that I didn't have to. I called the couple and the husband said they weren't interested in the t.v. anymore. They had wanted one for their kitchen but had decided my 13" was too small and a 19" would suit their needs better. I was happy to keep it for a little while longer.

The photo shoot was an awesome experience. I was able to make some new friends, get my hair and make up professionally done, help create some really artsy photos, see all the work that goes into a photo shoot, try on a beautiful dress, and basically feel like a princess for a day... all for free.

Day 14

So I like my coffee black now. Being out of milk for two weeks will do that to a person. I remember a couple of years ago, my dentist told me it would be a good idea to use artificial sweeteners instead of sugar when possible. I was showing signs of cavities between my teeth, the kind you get from consuming ridiculous amounts of sweet tea and caramel lattes. The sugar substitute proved to be a poor one, so I learned to drink my coffee with cream only. Over time, to be healthier, I began to enjoy my coffee with milk instead. Extracting the last additive, the dairy, has allowed me to view coffee itself as a luxury. Its a small triumph, but as the project progresses, I am discovering the things I can live without, and in turn, finding strength in myself.

Yesterday was day 14. For breakfast I made scrambled eggs, I carefully poured out a portion of the Egg-Beaters I had left, and added some hot sauce. I drank some of the last of my orange juice, and saved a little for later. My packed lunch staples of string cheese, canned fruit juice and cold pizza are now gone. I checked my pantry and decided on some tuna and crackers for protein, one of the few bananas that remained, and some almonds. I also accepted the usual offerings at the food court, a piece of orange chicken plucked out from its peers, a couple of crisp, freshly fried potato chips, and a single puff ball of steamy garlic bread. I haven't been hungry yet, and I still have a good bit of random food, including some pasta, canned vegetables, and frozen shrimp. The dishes will inevitably get more creative.

Later that evening I checked my voice-mail and found out I had won the contest for the Scarborough Fair tickets.

*Score*

The guy on the message referred to them as a "pair of tickets" but I entered to win a family 4 pack so...I plan on calling the radio station and making sure before I find a way to pick them up. I already bartered my painting for a ticket so the extra tickets are a bonus. I may use one of them to barter with at the fair, for drinks, and to continue my yearly tradition of consuming a scotch-egg(a hard boiled egg wrapped in breakfast sausage and deep fried). Eating a scotch egg is probably the worst thing you could ever do for your body besides maybe...smoking an unfiltered cigarette while fake tanning and popping your knuckles all at the same time.

Day 13

Yesterday was the 13th day in my project. It was the day after I had posted some things to barter with, so I was eager to see if anyone had responded yet. I checked my e-mail and found a message regarding my post on freecycle.org. A woman was interested in a couple of books I had, Omnivores Dilemma by Michael Pollan, and Letter to my Daughter by Maya Angelou. She offered to trade $10 worth of gas for the books. I accepted, and we decided on meeting at the gas station near the mall at 5:15. I had planned to take my lunch break at 5, but when I saw I had a conference call that day at the same time, I was worried I'd have to reschedule my barter. By some stroke of luck the conference call was canceled due to both the D.M. and G.M. being out of town the same week. I was so glad I didn't have to call the woman to reschedule our barter.

I parked at the Quick Trip and waited. I was a few minutes early so I decided to call my mom. When I told her what books I was bartering she was immediately hurt. The one by Maya Angelou had been a Christmas gift a couple of years ago from my parents. My mom had even written a sweet note in the front and dated it. I explained to her that I had read the book and had enjoyed it, and that I didn't need the book to know that she loved me.
She was still upset. She said in 30 years when she was "gone", she thought I might like to have it to remember her by.

My mom, by the way, is a master in the art of guilt tripping. After our short conversation, in only two minutes or so, I was covered in guilt. I felt it sticking to my skin, clogging up my pores, globs and globs of it. If they could sell this feeling, I imagine the bottle would read: *Parentally Projected Guilt* underneath the product name, in smaller text, would be the slogan: *the worst kind of guilt*. I envisioned it in an old-fashioned tonic font.

I looked down at the two books, and too soon, the woman I was bartering with pulled up beside me. She got out of her minivan smiling and came to my window carrying a couple of plastic bags.
"I brought you a few things"
I had only been expecting to receive gas for my books, I peaked into one of the bags.
"How did you know I needed shampoo?!" I was stunned by both her kindness and intuition.
She replied that I had mentioned it in my blog. I told her about my conversation with my mom and she offered to only take one book. I felt like this was an uneven trade, especially since she had given me extra items as well, so I came up with a compromise. I asked her if she would be willing to take both books right then, and when I was able to find another copy of Letter to my Daughter, we would meet again to trade. She agreed. She told me she was a mom to two young boys so she completely understood. I was so grateful that she found the time to meet with me. I thanked her for everything, gave her a big hug, and left feeling content that I would be able to get the book back eventually.

Day 12

Yesterday was my day off from work. It was time to get to work. The last couple of days had been filled with work and writing, and I hadn't given myself much time to research ways to barter in the area. I first checked Craigslist under the Free section, for the possibility someone was giving away some food. I searched through and saw a lot of ads for free couches and firewood. I also saw a posting for a free large bathroom mirror and inquired about it, thinking I could maybe do something creative with it and use it as a bartering tool.

I was about to give up the search for free food when I saw a listing titled *free peanut butter*. A woman was giving away 1 jar of unopened Smart Balance Chunky Peanut Butter. I sent her an e-mail hoping it was still available. She still had it! I had about a tablespoon of peanut butter left in my kitchen, so it worked out perfectly. I was driving into the city that day to spend some time with a good friend of mine, so I stopped by to get the peanut butter on the way. It was outside in a bag when I pulled up to the house. When I came home I sent her a thank-you note via e-mail, and she wrote back that she thought my project sounded interesting and good luck. She also gave me a website specifically for bartering called freecycle.org. I checked it out and found there are 1,739 members of the Freecycle Network in my city alone.
Jackpot.
I posted some things I had to barter, and a list of the things I needed.
I also found a bartering section on Craigslist. I posted a few items there as well, with the caption "call soon so I don't starve lol". This was a mistake.
I got a call from a woman. She wanted to give me her number if I needed help, and offered to give me some canned corn, green beans, and some other items. I took down her number and asked her what she wanted to trade. She told me she didn't want anything from me and she just wanted to make sure I had food and wasn't starving. I felt awful as I tried to explain the exaggeration in my post was meant as a joke and that I was not actually starving. When she finally understood what I was saying her tone turned to that of anger and I listened in stunned silence as she yelled at me over the phone for about 15 minutes.

She warned me not to post things like that and that there were crazy people on Craigslist that would get mad if they knew I wasn't really in trouble. I apologized again and again and told her I was changing my posts right then, but I had obviously really upset her and she just kept going.

So I started typing what she said...and it went something like this:

"you can make it really strong as a woman, because then the men will see that you are not jealous, stand up for yourself, not lean on anybody, I don't care if you have to mow some lawns (I thought that was ironic) or clean some bathrooms, I've seen it. Before you know it they're {immigrants} getting everything they want, living not like a rich person, they'll get the things that they really want and travel, because they are working these jobs some Americans won't do, they work hard. You can make it in this city, but be careful, people will try to hurt you. Beauty alone is pathetic, it is not what it is in your brain. It'll only take you so far and that's a quick spin in the bed and that is it. They{people who do business on Craigslist} go through these things and some are like a watch tower, if they found out what you just told me girl (I had told her I wasn't really starving and it was a poor choice of words, that I was doing a project and I was sorry for using that word) I cannot imagine what will happen to you. They are guards and this is they're kingdom and they guard the kings and queens"...

This was what happened. It shook me up.

I called her today and asked for her permission to put the things she said on my blog. She said yes and God bless and to be careful. I learned that the common term "I'm starving" is an incredibly insensitive thing to say. I have no excuse for it. The possibility of starving is a reality for countless human beings everyday, many right here in my own community. I also learned that being passionate, and being crazy, are sometimes hard to differentiate. Some people have told me I'm crazy for having a moneyless month, some might say the woman I spoke with on the phone sounded crazy. I'm not sure about that, but I can respect her passion, because I feel it connects us, it might even be what connects us all.

Day 11

Today was a great day to be moneyless. I finally met up with the guy who was interested in my painting. We met at Einstein's and I "bought" him a free bagel as a thank you for meeting with me. When I arrived, the employee I had met the previous week was working. He recognized me and it was really nice to get such a warm welcome at a business that I visit regularly yet never actually buy anything from.

I had some time before work so my bartering buddy and I sat down to enjoy our bagels. We chatted a little about what he did for work and how there was a traffic jam on his way to meet me. I told him how the project was going and he said it sounded like something he would do, but he wasn't sure if he could. After a little while it was time for me to get to work so I thanked him again for the Scarborough Fair ticket and told him to enjoy my painting.

At work someone came to the store and passed out some coupons for free ice cream. One of the part-timers took one for me and told me about it over the walkie-talkie. The free ice cream scoop is redeemable May 18th at the Haagen-Dazs downstairs, so I have plenty of time to try samples this week and decide on which flavor I want :) At lunch, I ate my tortellini and mushroom soup pasta. It might sound unappetizing but it was actually quite tasty. I've noticed I don't always eat everything I packed for lunch anymore. Before, when I would go out for lunch, I would consume everything I was given. I had the mentality that I wanted to get the most for my money. Now, when I feel full, I just save it to eat the next day. Through packing my lunch everyday, I have become much more in tune with my hunger levels. I eat small portions throughout the day and can feel when my body needs more water or nutrition. I also have noticed, that when I crave something sweet, it is usually because I am stressed out, and if I can't give into the craving, I find that my emotions are right under the surface, like light tremors, ready to break ground. I know I will adapt and learn a new way of coping with daily stresses. By not resorting to spending money to relieve stress, I am giving myself a chance to resolve the problems that arise, and that feeling...is one of self sufficiency and confidence in my own abilities. In short, I feel as if I'm becoming stronger.

Day 10

Yesterday was the 10th day of the project. I had to be at management meeting by 8 so the day started early. I walked again, and was running late...again. I am getting pretty tired of sprinting to work. The humidity was high, and by the time I got to work my hair was wet with sweat. At lunch, I sat at Starbucks and ate the lunch I had saved from the day before. I again requested that any wrongly made drinks be given to me, instead of thrown away. Over time, I've gotten to know many of the employees at the mall, I like to think of us all as neighbors in a small community. Essentially, we all have the same job, and we are expected to do it with a smile. There is a quiet empathy amongst us. First there are the polite, auto-pilot conversations.
*how's business?* and *Don't work too hard*
Slowly over time, our distinct personalities begin to show.
With each interaction the familiarity deepens, and we allow ourselves be seen. I view them more and more like an extended family.

One of the guys that works at Starbucks is also a photographer. He knows about my project, and after a few minutes, he called my name. I was excited to see a huge banana-orange smoothie sitting on the counter. I jumped up to retrieve the defective drink. I asked him what had been wrong with the drink.
"Nothing" he said.
I gave him an enthusiastic thank you and took the smoothie, delighted with his act of kindness. I wondered why he chose to make a smoothie, bypassing the obvious coffee based choices, and I realized he had most likely put some thought into it, and decided on a nutritious "good for you" drink.

I checked my phone and saw that my actual neighbor had sent me a text. He works at the apartment complex and told me I had a package at the office. When I got home, the office was closed but he had offered to go down and grab it for me after dinner. My sister had called earlier and asked if I had received anything in the mail...I said yes but I hadn't been able to get it yet. She was adamant about me getting the package that day. My mom called a few minutes later and also strongly suggested I pick up the package as soon as possible.

My curiosity was piqued.

After he had finished dinner, my friend brought over the package as promised. It was heavy for its size (about a foot by foot cube). We were both curious so I opened it on the spot. My sister had packed me about 10 bananas, some tea-bags, and a couple small bags of trail mix. It was a welcomed care package. I was more excited to get those bananas, than I was on my birthday last year when I got a new Coach purse. I thought about all of the ways I could prepare the bananas and decided to eat them until they start to go brown, and then make some banana bread. I called her up to thank her and she told me it was payment in advance for babysitting this summer. The grocer thought she was crazy when she asked him to look in the back for the greenest bananas possible. They were lime green when she shipped them but by the time they reached me... they were perfect.

Later that night I checked the fridge for something to make for dinner. I realized I had some spinach and cheese tortellini that was going to go bad soon. I also needed to eat the potatoes I had bartered last week. I had two left, so I microwaved them as I boiled the tortellini. I was planning to make mashed potatoes, but realized I needed milk for that. I also didn't have any pasta sauce. My dinner was looking pretty sad.

I checked the pantry and found some cream of mushroom soup. I thought that would make a good pasta sauce, so I put a 1/3 of the can over the tortellini, put another 1/3 in the potatoes and mashed them, and saved the rest of the soup for lunch the next day. The soup worked really well as a sauce and as a milk substitute for the mashed potatoes. That night, I spent some time walking my dog and planning out the next day. I have realized planning is an essential part of living this way. Without planning, and taking responsibility for myself and my needs, I would fail, and without the kindness of others, I wouldn't be able to handle the emotional stress of planning it all.

Day 9

Yesterday was day 9.
I started by packing my bag for the day. I was having dinner with someone that night so I took some extra time to straighten my hair and contemplate my outfit. We had decided to meet right after my shift so I packed everything I would need for the whole day. I checked the time and was worried.

I was going to be late for work.

For a moment, I contemplated taking my car. Driving would have been much quicker. After weighing my options, I decided I valued keeping the gas in my car more than I minded sprinting a little to work.

So I sprinted. On and off the whole way. Glancing at the cars while I passed, I noticed I was getting some funny looks along the way. I wondered as I ran, what the people driving must think of me. I was hugging my black duffel bag under my right arm and holding a water bottle in the other hand. I looked like an ill prepared bank robber. They say you can burn more calories exerting short bursts of energy, so at least I was getting a work-out. By the time I arrived at work I felt like I had just met with a personal trainer. I was sweating, my make-up had rubbed off, and there was no reason for anyone to believe that I had straightened my hair that day.

I quickly changed into my uniform and tried to make myself presentable for work. The rest of the morning though, I felt the glow that comes from a good work-out.

For lunch my co-workers were all going out to a local restaurant to eat. They wanted me to go too, but they also knew I wasn't spending money this month. My boss had offered to buy half the queso for one of the assistant managers, even though she didn't like queso. We were all discussing our lunch plans over the walkie-talkie when my boss had an idea...
*I'll donate my half to Stephanie!*
I laughed and responded over the walkie-talkie *I don't want your hand-outs, we'll have to find something to barter for the food*

So everyone had a good time thinking of something for me to do in exchange for my boss's half of the queso.

She came to me with her offer.

She wanted me to do her sales floor audit for the day. I didn't mind doing the sales floor audit nearly as much as my boss did, so I accepted her offer. It was great to see my co-workers participating in the barter system. I put my packed lunch back in the fridge to eat the next day, and we all left for lunch. The queso was well earned and cost nothing at the same time....which made it taste delicious.

Day 8

Today is day 8. More importantly though, today is Mother's Day. Because I couldn't buy her a gift, I had offered to come visit and promised we would do whatever she wanted all day including helping her with anything she had on her to-do list. I got ready and headed down to see my Madre. This year, I had uncharacteristically decided to buy her a Mother's Day card a couple of weeks ago (instead of the traditional day of). I was happy I wasn't going to be completely empty handed. On the way there, I used the cruise-control and drove with the air off to save gas. When I arrived, my parents were discussing plans to renovate the kitchen. She had decided the trash compactor was taking up more space than it was saving so my dad was on the floor dislodging it from under the kitchen counter. Also, the dishwasher had finally had enough and had broken down a couple of weeks ago. The first thing I did was help carry the two old machines out of the house for good. We spent the rest of the afternoon driving around to various stores comparing granite counter tops and discussing whether or not to paint the cabinets or leave the wood grain exposed.

In the parking lot of Home Depot I pulled out a make-up compact and my mom complemented it. I told her I had bought it at Sephora last month during their grand opening at the mall I work at. She liked it so much she asked me if I could get one for her too.

*Mom, I can't spend money...* She explained she would give me cash and just have me buy the make-up so she wouldn't have to make the drive. I hadn't considered how buying something as a favor for someone fit into my moneyless month.

We decided to call Sephora to see if they would take a payment over the phone from my mom and I could just pick up the make-up the next day. They said they couldn't do that. My mom asked the woman how much it would come to....$21.11. She got out some cash and started counting out $21.11 exactly. I had gone over a week without a dollar in my hand. The thought of using money made me feel instantly uncomfortable. The only way I can describe it is a queasy feeling.

*I can't spend money. Not even if it's your money* She was frustrated by my logic and explained it could be a way to barter, goods for a service. She offered to buy me some food if I took her money and bought the make-up for her. It was really hard trying to explain why I couldn't do it. Especially because it was Mother's Day, especially because I needed food, and especially because I didn't even know exactly why I felt couldn't do it. I thought about this for a long time today.

So here is the reasoning: This is a Moneyless Month. I was shocked at my own negative reaction to the idea of simply using money, not specifically my own, but just money in general. I basically want to learn more about the psychology behind my project.

I offered that she take my make-up until June when I can buy her one. She said no, that she didn't want to take mine, but I put it in her purse anyway. ;) Despite the minor dispute over the make-up, the rest of the day was spent laughing a lot, doing our nails, and watching the endings of Sweet Home Alabama and Titanic on T.V. It has been a while since I spent this much quality time with mom, and I'm convinced today will be a lot more memorable for us than whatever I bought her last year.

Day 7

Yesterday was Day 7.

I walked to work again today and spent my lunch reading outside. The weather was gorgeous and I found myself genuinely looking forward to the trek home after my shift. When I got home I prepared a baked potato that I had traded for some art supplies. My friend's band was competing in town that night and as I mentioned before, I was able to barter a painting for the ticket to the show. My good friend was going to come with me but had double-booked herself and cancelled at the last minute. I was looking forward to supporting the local music but a little disappointed that I'd be going by myself. I decided to check the list of attending guests to see if I knew anybody else that would be there. An old friend of mine was going as well and he offered to give me a ride. I am grateful we were able to go together because it gave us a chance to catch up. I was a little nervous I wouldn't be able to get in without a ticket, but I explained to the person at the door that someone had come by and paid for me the day before and my name should be on a list somewhere. The person asked to see my licence and compared it with the list. She then stamped my hand and I was in. My friend's band did great and ended up winning. I was really glad I was able to go.

It has been a week now.

On the first day, I took the money out of my purse and put the wad of cash on my kitchen counter. I notice it when I pack my lunch, I clean around it after preparing meals. I don't touch it. I'm more likely to glance at the coffee pot it sits beside, pondering its worth as a bartering tool, than to long for the use of my money. My circumstance has become somewhat like that of lunch time in 4th grade. We were all in the same boat then...contemplating each others valuables, tossing a sandwich across the table for the coveted oatmeal-cream cookie. I haven't lived this way since I was about 9. When the double digits hit I began to earn money from my parents regularly and was finally allowed to play the game. Learning the behaviors of a consumer is exciting as a child. It is not hampered with the stress of necessity. It is all want and no need. Each day I face the same challenge in different forms. On this day, I was able to achieve my goals with a strong since of commitment to the project, a successful barter, and a little help from my friends.

Day 6

This morning I was at Einstein's Bagels by 7:30. I was meeting a guy who had contacted me about my project. He was interested by the idea and wanted to help with the bartering part if he could, so I told him there was the Scarborough Fair ticket that I entered to win but had yet to hear back from the radio station, and then there was this "battle of the bands" show my friend was competing in with his band. After listing all of the things I was willing to barter with, he chose my painting I had completed a couple of weeks ago.

It was a great deep blue wave about to crash on a warm and bright yellow background. He asked if I was really willing to part with it. I told him I really enjoyed painting it and would much rather someone else enjoy it too. It was another one of those like v.s. want moments. I liked the painting, I liked painting it, and I was happy it existed in the universe, and because of all of those truths, I didn't feel the need to own it at all.

I chose Einstein's because, yes, I had printed off a couple of coupons again for a free bagel.

I sent a text telling him I would be the one sitting with the giant painting.

As I waited, one of the employees came by. He was an artist and wanted to check out my painting. He told me a little about himself and I told him about my project. He asked me what kind of bagel I wanted and brought it to me along with a smile and some encouraging words. Soon after, his boss came to talk to me. It had only been about 5 minutes but he had already heard about the project from his employee and wanted to know more. I told him how things were going so far, and he told me about a project he led as an Eagle Scout in Las Vegas for Scouts with special needs, and how it had grown exponentially since it began. I told him I thought that was great and that sometimes I don't think people know how much power they truly have to change the world around them.

My phone began to ring and it was my bartering buddy, wondering where I was.
"I'm right here". It turns out he was "way over there".
...unfortunately, he was at an Einstein's Bagel on the other side of town.

*Logistical Fail*

We decided to try again Sunday. The good news is he was able to put my name on a list for the show, so I don't need to have a ticket physically in my hand for that one. I'm not planning to go to Scarborough Fair until next weekend, so I will have time to meet and trade my painting before then.

After reflecting on the morning, I was happy for the accident. Because of our lack of communication skills I had time to talk and share ideas with two interesting people while I waited. The manager even offered to buy me coffee next time I came in.

Day 5

Just wrapping up day 5. This is my second day off since the experiment began. My parents were both coming home today from separate business trips and I really wanted to see them, but on only 1/2 a tank of gas I was worried, as most young adults are, about going to visit the parents and not being able to leave.

Neither one of them had much of an idea of what this whole thing was about, but when I called and asked if I could mow the lawn in exchange for some gas, my mom was happy to agree. I could hear the nostalgia in my Dad's voice when he said in the background "that's the way it should be". He's a pretty old fashioned guy, and probably the reason I relate to "The Wonder Years" and "Sandlot" so much. I put Sam in the car, along with some laundry, and we were on our way to the comforts of Mom and Dad's. I don't have a washer and dryer, so for the past week I have been washing my work shirts in the bathroom sink. It has been going good so far, but I was appreciative to use their facilities for the larger items like jeans and towels.

When I arrived home, my Mom asked me what it was like asking for charity for a month. I know she was only joking, and she hadn't even heard what the project was really about yet, but the words still stung. I could feel the frustration welling up in my eyes as I tried to explain that I wasn't just going around asking for charity, and that I was really trying to learn and grow through this project. It was extremely tense for a few minutes while I tried to communicate my ideas and reasonings behind the project. When she read an exerpt from the first post, regarding her and my father's relationship with things, I wasn't sure what her reaction would be; It turned out that she was actually very supportive of it all, stressing, like any good mom would, that I not compromise my safety by walking to and from work in the dark.

My Dad filled up the lawn mower and explained the basics. I listened intently and was about to start when I realized there was something missing. Something I usually see in the whole lawn mower scenario. And then it hit me.

"I think I need a beer" I said, and promptly went to the outdoor fridge to correct the problem. I retreived one for him too.

When we got out to the front lawn he acted like an air traffic controller, waving me in different directions, going into great detail with me over how to avoid mowing over the heart shape he had cut into the lawn for my mother for Valentine's Day. An hour and a half later, I was sweating and tired, and a little dizzy, but content in the fact that I had earned myself some gasoline. I went in to help my Mom with dinner plans. We needed to make a trip to Sprout's.

I was hoping for free coffee samples. Sprout's delivered. They also had a wine for sale labeled "Broke Ass" and it was immediately the obvious choice to accompany dinner. We all had a good laugh over this. While we were out I was also able to get my tire pressure checked for free at Costco, and as promised, my Dad filled up my tank in exchange for the yard work.

Day 4

Yesterday was day 4. A couple of days ago a co-worker of mine was telling me she had let a friend stay with her and as a thank you, the friend had stocked her fridge and pantry. Consequently she had so much food in her fridge she didn't know what to do with it all. "Freeze it". I said. Her freezer was already full. She lives alone and was worried about not being able to eat it all by herself. Her main concern was a bag of potatoes and a "huge thing of chicken" when she didn't really like chicken anyways.

My fridge is getting pretty sparse.

She was also telling me about a friend of hers that is going to Mexico to teach art classes to children, and how she was planning on giving her some art supplies as a parting gift. I asked if she would be willing to trade some of the extra food for some paints I had at home. She was delighted at the idea.

So I spent the morning choosing which art supplies I could part with. I kept the primary colors so I could still create any color I wanted, and packed the rest. I also kept one tube of brown acrylic that I had not yet opened and still had the $8.99 price sticker on it. I kept this one for the option of returning it and exchanging it for something I might need during the course of the month. I also threw in some construction paper and card stock I had bought on a creative whim but had barely used.

After packing my lunch I headed out with my duffel bag, art supplies and two pieces of leftover cold pizza for breakfast. The day before, I met a friend for dinner at the mall after my shift. He was kind enough to pay for our meal and give me a ride home as well. The cold pizza was a welcomed treat and I was glad I had saved it for the morning, triumphing over the late night snacking temptation that had occurred about midnight the night before.

As I left the gate I waved good morning to one of the apartment employees. He called after me. "Do you need a ride to work?" I offered him a slice of pizza in exchange for the ride and he accepted. Taking the ride meant I was at work 40 minutes early. I decided to hang out at the public computer in the Starbucks at the mall. I asked the barista to send any wrongly made drinks my way. Within 15 minutes I was sipping on something deliciously hazelnutty and checking my e-mail.

The day before another coworker had kindly brought me a portion of enchiladas her mother had made. I decided to save it for tonight, a fitting Cinco De Mayo feast. The anticipation of eating those enchiladas drifted in and out of my thoughts the whole walk home from work. My initial instinct was to heat up the entire entree, but not knowing when I would be able to enjoy my next Mexican meal, I reassessed the situation and put half back in the fridge.

I find it interesting that money was created to make things easier, a universal way to put a value on things, but it can also stand in the way of the things we need. My co worker would never consider selling her extra food, something that would be difficult and awkward to accomplish, but it also never occured to her to trade it. Trading something for something was the *first* way people came up with to get what they could not produce themselves. It was pretty smart. Now the pig farmer could also get grains, and the wheat farmer could enjoy some bacon etc. We are so familiar with the language of money, we forget what it really is, a way of communicating the things we need. When we take out the middle man that is currency, when we drop that barrier between ourselves as humans, when we reach out directly to each other, we can often find even better solutions for ourselves than the dollar could have offered.

Day 3

Today was Day 3. I feel like my wants and needs are getting a lot easier to decipher. While at work, I see a lot of clothes that I want, but now that buying the item is no longer an option, I don't waste energy or time thinking about it after the initial feeling of want. In the past, when something caught my eye, this would be a possible thought process: "That's cute. I think I want it.*check tag* how much? *calculate employee discount* is it worth it? what could I wear it with? when can I try it on? and so on. Personally, that is a lot of thought to put into a thing.

Now that I know in advance I'm not going to buy these things, I stop considering them all together. I'm learning there is a great difference between liking something and wanting it. I can like the design on a new shirt and stand back and appreciate it, be content it exists in the universe, and move on. It's greatness. Being able to say "no" really gives me a sense of power about the whole thing.
When so much in our society is screaming at us as consumers to spend, it would be impossible to comprehend it all, to succumb to doing everything every company or brand wanted us to do. We are so bombarded with marketing strategies, advertisements, deals, and steals, the only way to make sense of it all, to survive here, is by filtering the information..we then become preoccupied by filtering, constantly filtering and filing and organizing these products that are for sale, that someone is telling us we need. If we lived without a filter, we would have no control of our lives at all, we would all be in extreme debt, and we would have more stuff than we know what to do with. The frightening thing is, people do live this way. I see people like this everyday at the mall, in restaurants and on the road. Somewhere along the way, things that we need as humans, who have been doing just fine without a Snuggy for a couple million years, got mixed up with the things we want.

By pushing these wants aside, I'm becoming more aware of what my body needs. I spent my lunch break sitting outside on the hot concrete, soaking up the warmth of the sun. It was a great relief just sitting there, not expending energy, refusing to bear the burden of big business for a while.

Day 2

Yesterday was Day 2. I decided that walking to work would be a good thing to do this month. I have about a 1/2 tank of gas in my car. The only way to get more gas is going to be to barter for it, the ideal situation would be to meet someone at a gas station and trade the item for gas right then and there. I have no idea when that opportunity will arise, so walking to work is a must.

I spent the morning packing for the day. I carefully chose my lunch items from what was left in my fridge(string cheese,apple sauce, almonds,v8 juice). I grabbed my uniform and my purse, which contained a useless wallet, phone and sunglasses. I had also promised to bring brownies to work that day. I now regret taking them in the heavy glass dish I baked them in. I loaded everything up in a duffel bag I randomly found in my closet. I fed Sam, took her out, and put on my running shoes.

I was about to walk to work for the first time in my life.

I divided the walk into sections in my head. When I reached the train tracks I had been walking for 10 minutes. At the tracks I took a left to head along the main road. About a third of the way up, the sidewalk ends and it is all prickly weeds and tall grass the rest of the way. I passed a fire hydrant and looked at the time. 3 minutes had gone by since the tracks. I reached another fire hydrant, 3 more minutes. I was walking against traffic with an airstrip on my left and the main road on my right.

I was at the intersection. I wondered if there was a crosswalk. I had driven to work for nearly two years and had never noticed whether or not a crosswalk existed. There it was. On foot, I had a completely different perspective of the roadway. I pressed the big silver button and waited for the light to change. I scanned across all of the little people in their big cars at the red light. Did they notice me? As soon as I stepped onto the street, the white man turned into a red hand again. I scurried. Walking along the road felt safe, but the transition into the mall parking lot was like reentering civilization. My two feet felt out of place among the parked cars. I was still in the pedestrian mindset of avoiding cars at all costs, and I had a nervous feeling as I navigated the evenly spaced rows.

I was 20 minutes early to work, time enough to cool off and change. It was odd knowing I was at the store, and my car was at home. I felt more "on my own" and independent than usual. In retail, a feeling of accomplishment usually comes from beating a monetary goal, or fixing a merchandise display. Today it came from walking to work.

My lunch hour was spent trying to find a way to print a coupon for dog food. There are a lot of really nice people working at the mall and as soon as i stepped off of the stairs I saw a familiar face. An older man, dark skin with dark hair, impeccably dressed, waved at me as he passed. We both worked at the mall, and we both knew it, but we had never actually spoken. I thought now was a good time to up our relationship. I waved at him and stopped him in the middle of the walkway to say hi. He told me he worked in the Jewelry department at Neiman's. I asked him if he knew of any place in the mall I could get access to a free printer and he offered to take me upstairs to the jewelry repair shop where his good friend worked. I thanked him and as we walked we talked and I told him a little about my project. He seemed intrigued by the whole thing and when his friend was unable to get online, he promised to do what he could to help. I thanked him and told him I would trade him one of the brownies I had brought for a coupon if he could get it. I went to eat my lunch and stopped in at Aveda, a store in the mall that offers free hot tea and a 5 minute massage. I learned free massages feel about 10 times better than regular ones, probably because they come without the guilt of spending money on yourself. A few minutes before my break was over I decided to swing by Neimans and see if Vincent was able to somehow produce a coupon. I was so pleased when he came out from the back with a few peices of printer paper. Unfortunately, the only current coupons on the website were for medication. I thanked him for going through all the trouble anyway and told him he could still have a brownie if he wanted. He said he would keep trying and would come up to the store later that evening but he never came.

By the end of my shift It was raining and had dropped 20 degrees. I was about to make my way to Petsmart when my boss offered me a ride. She said she couldn't let me walk home in the rain in good conscience. We decided she could drop me off at Petsmart while she went to the grocery store, and then take me home. Even though I was unable to find a good coupon in time, I used the $27 gift card on a good brand of dog food that was on sale, had enough to get some treats too, and I still have about $4 left on the card. When she picked me up the rain had died down, and in its place there was possibly the biggest rainbow we had ever seen.

When I got home I was pretty hungry. I looked in the fridge and found some less than fresh vegetables that I would have normally thrown out by now, but it was time to get creative. I roasted the cherry tomatoes, broccoli and cauliflower in a pan with garlic and olive oil, and mixed it all with some whole wheat spaghetti noodles, salt and pepper. I ate half and saved the other half for later. I'm going to have to find a way to get more food eventually, but for now I like the challenge of cooking with what I have, its sort of like Iron Chef except the secret ingredient is...a bunch of random stuff.